Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
