he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
