I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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