I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
