I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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