haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
