Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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