i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
