she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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