Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
