If you die in college, do you die in real life?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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