I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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