dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
