I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
