watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
