The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
