A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
