If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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