OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
