So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize