sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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