i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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