you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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