I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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