I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
