Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
