Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
