I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
