my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
