Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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