You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is Oprah even human
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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