I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
