also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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