first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
