i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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