My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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