Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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