On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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