she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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