I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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