Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You are the jesus of drinking
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
