At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
