It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
