One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
