Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
