I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
