the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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