i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
