I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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