Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize