I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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