It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
