Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
