Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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