im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
