I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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