went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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