My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
