I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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