so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
