we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
