Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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