he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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