I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
