I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
