i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
