I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
