can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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