Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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