So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
