Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
